What’s It Like to Be an Additional Lover?

It depends on which Love Organization you and the others are living in at the time – and - which role you play.

Love Organization: Promiscuity (AKA ‘cheating’)

If you are an additional Lover to one who is in a ‘Mutually Exclusive Relationship’ (i.e., they are married) – then frequently descriptions heard are: “exciting variety” – “carefree” (without responsibility for the relationship) – “worrisome” (that the relationship will end) – “fearful” (that the relationship will be discovered). If both parties are in mutually exclusive relationships – then the impacts can be compounded. Living with fears – albeit exciting at first - can grow to be depressing in time.

Love Organization: Swinging (AKA ‘recreational sex’)

The participating individuals (including the additional Lover) have no concerns/fears about secrecy. The relationships are open – candid - forthright. Each of the parties has a stated interest in seeking the emotional stimulation/ego enhancement derived from intimate social and sensuality activities. The interactions are intended to strengthen bonded relationships – not fracture them. There is no interest in developing emotional bonds with the additional Lover – which experience indicates is often due to insecurities of one or more parties.

Love Organization: Intimate Best Friends (AKA ‘polyamory’)

When individuals have chosen an ‘Intimate Best Friends’ Love Organization to live in – and another Lover is identified – they are welcomed into an existing relationship as an added intended long-term genuine friend/partner. Most often all the partners do not co-habit in the same residence – do not share finances - but do socialize together. If only one partner has an additional Lover – there can be time-allocation issues to resolve until the other also has identified an additional Lover (if they want one or more.)

Read More – understand what it’s like to live in the five Love Organizations from people ‘who’ve been there – done that’. You’ll be able to tell which Love Organization they’re in. In some readings, maybe you could have written the short pieces yourself. But you’ll never forget you read them when you think of your own relationships – present – past – those yet to come. Click to read